Post by LovinO on Nov 2, 2007 18:15:22 GMT -5
Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with
typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
----------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
------------------- ---------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
----------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
----------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------- -----
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
--------------- - ----------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
----------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
-------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
-----------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
-----------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
------ -------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
-----------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
-----------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use
the back door.
----------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
____________________
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
______________________
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
----------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
------------------- ---------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
----------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
----------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------- -----
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
--------------- - ----------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
----------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
-------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
-----------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
-----------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
------ -------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
-----------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
-----------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use
the back door.
----------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
____________________
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
______________________
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'